De-stress (topic - tools)

Lately didn't blog, being thinking a lot. Crazy thoughts going thru my mind and I'm tired to think about it. Think is time to go for a change, maybe it may help or was it that I'm trying to hard to make things change, make it goes the way I wanted but it just seems to go the other way round. Once thought death could end it all but I was naive, it will cause even more problems and burden to others. Like an empty shelf with no one left to care, friends changing and they are not what I once thought they are. I'm always there for them and now they are leaving one by one not even saying goodbye, our friendship really can't last thru time or simply that I was never once your friend and just a tool to you.

"Tools" is what I name for friends, some will used you as a tool but they still got the cheek to call you friend in your face and stab right thru you from the back. When they needed help, they are every where under the sun, but when you need them they bloody hell hide in bushes. I wish they leave me the earlier the better but they had already cut me deep down and leave me to bleed and they had already ruin me half way down. Nobody will cherish what you do and what you say, so why did the hell I bother for? I have no rights to interfere, it's your life and I ain't going to care and help you anymore, is time for me to leave you out to bleed even if you are kneeling, begging for another second chance. You are bloody hell not a concern to me anymore, friendship will never end for us cause I'm going to use you as a "tool", I'm going to see you suffer and I'll let you feel the way I once felt. I prefer to be a lone ranger more, don't like to fake smiles in front of anyone anymore, this will be me, the real me. Like it or not, you will not let me change just for you and you simply doesn't deserve it.

Now I have know more friends in NYP and some were JJ's friends, can they be trusted? will they simply leave w/o goodbyes after graduation? Now is still early to say, I really hope that it will not happen again but I'm not going to put in too much this time.